Super-Friends

Good morning!  It's kind of a low-energy day, but that's ok, that's what napping is for.

I was just thinking about friends... you see, when I don't feel well it's a struggle to keep up with conversations, let alone my "all is good" facade.  I just want to snuggle up with a blanky and watch stupid reality television.

I used to be a multi-tasker.  Oh yes, yes I was.  Don't shake your head.  I was a kindergarten teacher!  And I was a damn good one.  Now I forget that I've put toast in the toaster and start writing blog posts.  2 hours later I wonder why I'm so hungry!  You've gotta laugh right?

Back to friends... I don't have many left, but the ones I do, WOW, they are super-friends!  The kind that will leap mountainous piles of laundry in the entryway just to sit on dirty socks to have a cold one and chat.  The kind that will call you back in the middle of the night when you feel like you'd rather die than live like this anymore.  Those are the kinds of friends I'm left with and they have no idea what love and gratitude I hold for them.

Then, I tell myself, "well, it would be nice to know more people, get out a bit."  That seems like such a great idea, until I have to make an effort.  Who wants to get dressed and why do I need to answer their texts at the ungodly hour of 10:00 PM?  Who's awake then?  HEATHENS!  That's who!  And why do I want to be friends with heathens?  Oh yeah, "it would be nice to know more people, get out a bit."  The dilemma!

Perfectly nice people piss me off with their clingy-ness.  I've got stuff to do!  And then naps to take.  But, I really am a nice person.  I just don't have the energy some days.  So, if it seems like I'm a flake or that I'm blowing you off, truly, it's nothing personal.  It's just that, for today, I'm not able to be the kind of friend I want to be.  Please don't stop asking, I really do want to hang out, just maybe we could sit in our pj's on my comfy couch and grunt and giggle

at stupid movies?   Oh, and please ignore the dirty house, I am embarrassed by it, but happy to see you!

Goals and Gratefulness

Good morning, yep, it is good.  I'm feeling much better.  This should just be a reminder to me about how quickly things can change.  I was pretty miserable yesterday morning and today, well, it's good.  It's Saturday, so everyone is still sleeping.  I slept like a log last night which hasn't happened in a while.  Sleep can certainly change your outlook!

Since I'm feeling better I need to get back to this whole reinvention idea.  I have so many things I want to do and try.  I actually started a bucket list this summer for the first time.  But that will wait for a different day.  My immediate ideas are so big I think I need to break them into categories....

1. Nutrition-  I know that I feel better when I eat better, but that takes effort that sometimes I want to put elsewhere.  And while the effects aren't always immediate there sometimes come at the most inopportune times.

•  no more diet mtn. dew (yes, I know, poison, but I love it and it helps me get things done!)
•  more fruits/veggies
• less carbs/sugar

2. Fitness

•  I used to be able to run 4 miles at a time and then weight lift and I'd like to be able to do at least 1/2 that now with ease. 
• Lose 15 pounds (anthem of all women everywhere?  Do I hear an amen?)
• Just climbing the stairs without feeling exhausted would be great!

3. Spiritual

• I don't know myself well,  I need to get reacquainted!
• Be able to honestly tell myself that "I AM AWESOME, GOD MADE ME THAT WAY!"
• Look for adventures and say "YES."

4.  Creating-  I need to take 1/2 an hour+ to do what moves me

• music
• sewing
• painting
• writing
• building

5. Organization- I'd like my house to be neat and clean with less effort.  I think we have too much stuff.  Cutting the clutter would be good for me in the financial aspect too!

• recipe book
• cabinets
• garage
• craft stuff

 It all seems easy enough if you don't figure in that my day to day survival takes up a big chunk of the day.  I'm determined to find my own happiness.  I've made my five year plan!  And in that plan there is a side-note about having my book published.  Root me on friends!

God's Plan

WTF?!!  So yesterday I spent the day with my in-laws and grandma taking her for an arm x-ray.  The day went well, all smooth.  I wasn't feeling well yesterday morning but after taking my drugs and medicating with a bit more caffeine than anyone should be able to handle, I was feeling ok.  By early evening, watch out!  I had an earache and a sore throat and felt like I had been run over by a mack.  So I forced myself to eat a little dinner and then had a pleasant scoop of mint-chip ice cream (just to help my throat) before I passed out by 9 o'clock.

2 a.m. I woke up to the achy fullness of my 5th U.T.I. of the summer.  And my ear and throat were both less than great.  So I started amoxicillin, which I've been stockpiling like the apocolypse is coming.  And took stuff for the U.T.I. which I now keep on hand.  I'm feeling a little less desperate for relief now, but honestly, I'm pissed off.  It's just one more thing, one more roadblock to rebuilding my life. 

I sound like a real peach!  I am generally a positive, happy person.  Sometimes though, it just feels like too much.  Like every time I try to dig myself out of this hole the dirt just keeps falling in.  So, for today, I'm gonna feed calves and baby myself.  Cuz, if I don't this will just continue, and I've got too much living to do to stay stuck down in this hole!

You know, I've got a secret, I've been going to see a therapist.  Yep, I know, a little yuppy-ish.  I just needed someone to tell me that I wasn't crazy, that I could do great things.  I just needed a little outside encouragement. 

My therapist office is a little over an hour away, in a city that I wasn't overly familiar with.  So each time I go I set google maps on my phone to give me directions.  When I left the office last Wed. I set the GPS and it started to talk to me, "turn left on 7 mile."  I was lost in my own thoughts, driving along, and then I looked around and realized that the GPS was taking me a way we hadn't gone on the previous trips.  We were still headed in the right general direction so I thought, "whatever, I'll get home eventually."  After a little bit, I reached a point where I could see the expressway that the GPS normally guided me to, and it was at a standstill.  The traffic was backed up and not moving.  The GPS had saved me waiting in traffic.  YAY for technology.

As I was driving along thanking God and the GPS for guiding me around the traffic I realized how ridiculous I've been.  I'm willing to allow a little machine to guide me around roadblocks, but I'm scared to follow God's instructions in his plan for my life.  That is just crazy!  Where has my faith gone and why am I letting fear take over?  I need to pay more attention to the blessings I have and the abilities I've been given and stop worrying about stuff that won't make any difference in the big picture.  My tattoo says, "Part of God's Plan," I know it, why can't I remember it?  Even when I face these roadblocks, God is telling me "it's ok, you'll get home eventually."

Starting over

Well, Hello!  It sure has been a while.  But, you know how life can be.  It definitely doesn't go according to plan.  Which is why I wanted to talk to you.  You see a little over a month ago, life threw me another curve ball.  I was coasting along, minding my own business when, WHAM!  I found out my husband of 19 years has been "talking" to another woman.  SERIOUSLY!  I kind of thought life was straightening out.  I had made it through my disability hearings and an independent medical exam, the lyrica had my fibro controlled most days, my stomach had been feeling better, my kids were being awesome teenagers and my libido had been kicked up.  That libido, it's caused problems in the past, but it's been better this spring.  Sex was good again.  And that's sort of a huge thing when for over 4 years it had been in hiding.  And while my libido had been AWOL my husband's was (as usual) out of control.   So I did what my mama had taught me, "put out or he'll look somewhere else."  And it wasn't fun.

But, my gosh, this spring, it got fun again.  And so my marriage, and sex life, were trucking along very nicely.  Until I checked the cell phone bill.  And saw a number I knew, but couldn't understand how this "pursuing" had been going on under my nose for months!  I felt betrayed, hurt, destroyed.

I want to point out that currently, I believe it was the best thing that could've happened.  It woke us all up.  We had been taking our relationship for granted and I had been stuck.  Cause being sick, well, it makes anything extra out of the question.  Survival!  That's all that I could do.  But since I'd been feeling better I knew that there was going to be more to my life, I was just stuck.  What to do?   There are a million things I want to do.  Blog, travel, craft, exercise, write, DIY....  I hadn't STARTED anything.  Mostly because I want to do everything.  So this is my new beginning.  My do-over.  My exploration of what God has in his plan for me.

I'm starting to make some goals and I will share them with you.  For today, I just want to say that when you think your world is ending, it may just be your new beginning.

I love paint!

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5_7vwow_wfG3s08bkTcyxlPkOdWIN9Dy5QNhDl2X3efBtuBGfvDJ2s12hxuFoqtyU_oLxVfWcDKEnNkLHh8hCJOMH2Tp8V8kjhB7YwDGFFWKbE4f1eSpGnkob6zwHPjDaBQt79inh6t0/s200/Ifitsnotbaroquefeaturebutton.jpg

Oh boy, I've got spring-fever!  About 8 years ago I painted our brown cabinets white.  It was a huge, beautiful change.  And to this day I don't regret it.  I love how clean and bright the kitchen looks(that is, on the rare occasions the kitchen IS clean).  When we had bought our house 3 years before it came with almond appliances.  Almond refrigerator, almond stove, almond dishwasher, and an ugly black over-the-stove microwave.  While I know that almond was all the rage, I just don't understand why people would go for a dirty-white for anything.  But I digress.  And when the cabinets were painted white the almond stuck out like a sore thumb.  I've lived with it like this for the past 8 years thinking that my 20 year old appliances could not last much longer.  I got a new dishwasher, but the elephant in the room is still running great.

Anywho, as I was sitting here thinking, "geez, if only it would warm up enough outside so that I could spray paint something/anything/everything, then I would be so happy."  Sitting at the kitchen counter the almond fridge was staring me down.  And then I saw this picture:

http://www.thehandmadehome.net/2011/03/the-kitchen-is-finally-done/

 Isn't that kitchen gorgeous?  I love it, so cheery and clean.  Maybe I should just clean mine... but wait!  She has instructions on how to paint your fridge.  She used chalkboard paint, truly handy, but not my style.  By the way, I LOVE the Handmade Home blog.  Macho man wishes there were no diy blogs, but he can't keep me in a hole, now can he?  

http://www.thehandmadehome.net/2011/03/diy-painting-your-fridge-with-chalkboard-paint/

A painted fridge... wahoo...what about red?  maybe I should go with blue?  white would probably be best... Ah, how boring.  Red, that's it!  That's the conclusion I came to, I even got out my little pint of red paint.  And then I looked and got scared.  So I played it safer with blue (now I wish I would've gone red, but I can always paint again, right?)

My paint-phobic tough guy even liked it!  Well, maybe not liked it.  He just didn't complain to much beyond saying, "what the hell'd you do?"  That's a win!   What do you think, should I go red?  (It'd match my bar stools.)

Max the elephant

Partying at:

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Ice Cream Oreo Cake and Attitude

13 years ago today my little Diva came into the world.  Since she was a 10 pounder it really wasn't the best day of my life, but I was grateful that she made it without any complications.  She was, and is, perfectly beautiful.  Although the attitude is getting old quit, but I keep reminding myself that it's just a stage.  It is just a stage, isn't it?  (Oh, please tell me it's just a stage, otherwise I might have to start with the beatings and that's just so unpopular with the community not my style.)

Anyway, a couple of years ago one of the littles requested an ice cream cake a la Dairy Queen for their birthday cake.  Well, always looking for ways to save a couple bucks I created my own recipe by combining a few tried and true family recipes.

Brownie Crust

4 sq. unsweetened chocolate (I used 3 T.  of unsweetened cocoa powder)
3/4 c. butter
2 c. sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. flour

Microwave chocolate and margarine in a large bowl until melted.  Stir until mixed, then mix in remaining ingredients.  Spread into an 8 in. springform pan.  Bake at 350 for 35 minutes.  Do not over bake.  Let cool on a wire rack for 30 minutes then pop it into the freezer for at least 2 hours (you could leave it in there overnight if you wanted).

Cake Assembly

Brownie Crust
12-15 oreos
1/2 pint of ice cream (we used oreo flavor)

Once your brownie crust is frozen...  get a pint of ice cream out of the freezer to soften.  We used oreo ice cream, but we have gone with moose track and vanilla, both DELICIOUS.  To go along with the theme, we're going to smash up 12 or so oreos to put on top of the frozen brownie crust.

Once your ice cream has softened, spread a layer about 2 inches thick on top of your frozen brownie crust.  Make sure your crust is frozen HARD or it will crumble while your spreading your ice cream.   Once you have a nice thick layer of ice cream spread a few more smashed on oreos, just for good measure.

You are done... other than the most important part, eating it!  Try to remember to bring it out of the freezer 20 minutes or so before you are ready to serve, otherwise you'll break your knife trying to cut through it!  If you're like me and forget to get it out, get a hand towel and run some hot water on it, wring it out well and then wrap it around the outside of the pan.  This will make it easier to pop the outside of the pan off.  If you dip you knife in hot water it will help a little with the cutting, but I make no guarantees on that one!  (Patience, what patience?  No, I don't know what that word means.)

Fibro-storm

Good morning!  Can you believe this weather that we're having... it's the middle of April for gosh sakes!  And yesterday was a snowday for school and it's snowing again this morning, the calves are even depressed.  What's up?  Mother nature must be really angry.  I can't imagine why... all the pollution and lack of appreciation.  But, that's a post for another day.  

What I really wanted to talk about was my more recent philosophical meanderings on life.  This snow storm was not in my plan, nor was Grandpa and Grandma's power being out so we had some extra "things" added to our day.   Or the fact that I haven't slept in a week.  
Or the fact that I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome.  Yep, those dang little tidbits that get thrown into my life that I hadn't planned nor had I even thought about preparing for.  I mean, I had a nice little life plan.  Teach at my local public school until I was 49 years old, then retire comfortably with Superman, enjoy all my little grandbabies, travel a little, craft a lot... you know, paradise.  

Now this fibro-thing.  I don't understand it.  It's like that snowstorm.  It came without warning, just when I thought spring was coming.  You know, the kids were becoming more independent, the school thing was under control, life was finally looking sunny.  Then BAM!  Snow in April.  It's taken away my ability to travel (without discomfort), my motivation and thinky-ness (so much FOG some days).  It's made little things (like sleeping through the night) become big things.  Like in the snow, every step takes more effort.  

Just like a long winter, I've also learned that things take longer.  And that's ok.  I need to pay more attention to the things I need.  Time and energy need to be inventoried and stored.  I need to take into account the hard days, stock up on them so I'm prepared for the next storm.  Take stock of my priorities and get rid of things that are polluting my system.  Enjoy the things that are fantastic in my life... warm friends, a super family, and God's wisdom.  Happy spring!  

Linking up to:
 
Titus 2 Tuesday Link Party #47