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Friday, September 11, 2015

God's Plan

WTF?!!  So yesterday I spent the day with my in-laws and grandma taking her for an arm x-ray.  The day went well, all smooth.  I wasn't feeling well yesterday morning but after taking my drugs and medicating with a bit more caffeine than anyone should be able to handle, I was feeling ok.  By early evening, watch out!  I had an earache and a sore throat and felt like I had been run over by a mack.  So I forced myself to eat a little dinner and then had a pleasant scoop of mint-chip ice cream (just to help my throat) before I passed out by 9 o'clock.

2 a.m. I woke up to the achy fullness of my 5th U.T.I. of the summer.  And my ear and throat were both less than great.  So I started amoxicillin, which I've been stockpiling like the apocolypse is coming.  And took stuff for the U.T.I. which I now keep on hand.  I'm feeling a little less desperate for relief now, but honestly, I'm pissed off.  It's just one more thing, one more roadblock to rebuilding my life. 

I sound like a real peach!  I am generally a positive, happy person.  Sometimes though, it just feels like too much.  Like every time I try to dig myself out of this hole the dirt just keeps falling in.  So, for today, I'm gonna feed calves and baby myself.  Cuz, if I don't this will just continue, and I've got too much living to do to stay stuck down in this hole!

You know, I've got a secret, I've been going to see a therapist.  Yep, I know, a little yuppy-ish.  I just needed someone to tell me that I wasn't crazy, that I could do great things.  I just needed a little outside encouragement. 

My therapist office is a little over an hour away, in a city that I wasn't overly familiar with.  So each time I go I set google maps on my phone to give me directions.  When I left the office last Wed. I set the GPS and it started to talk to me, "turn left on 7 mile."  I was lost in my own thoughts, driving along, and then I looked around and realized that the GPS was taking me a way we hadn't gone on the previous trips.  We were still headed in the right general direction so I thought, "whatever, I'll get home eventually."  After a little bit, I reached a point where I could see the expressway that the GPS normally guided me to, and it was at a standstill.  The traffic was backed up and not moving.  The GPS had saved me waiting in traffic.  YAY for technology.

As I was driving along thanking God and the GPS for guiding me around the traffic I realized how ridiculous I've been.  I'm willing to allow a little machine to guide me around roadblocks, but I'm scared to follow God's instructions in his plan for my life.  That is just crazy!  Where has my faith gone and why am I letting fear take over?  I need to pay more attention to the blessings I have and the abilities I've been given and stop worrying about stuff that won't make any difference in the big picture.  My tattoo says, "Part of God's Plan," I know it, why can't I remember it?  Even when I face these roadblocks, God is telling me "it's ok, you'll get home eventually."

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